Read: John 9:1-41
Last spring was one of the darkest times in my life. Depression has always been a nagging ache in my side from childhood, but this was something new. I had been a good Christian, I thought. I’d served in ministries, I’d persevered through hard relationships, I’d cut-off ungodly relationships, but still I was angry, lonely, and dead inside.
I took my spring break to volunteer at my old missionary agency, hoping to find some peace and clarity. During my time there I prayed more sincerely than I had in years, pouring out my pain to God. I knew Jesus had saved me, I knew theologically that meant the Holy Spirit had regenerated me, but why didn’t I feel like a new creation? Why was I still a slave to my vices, my lusts, and self-pity? Why wasn’t God fixing me? It was during this desperate time that God told me what I already knew, but didn’t want to admit, “You’re only obeying Me to get your way, because you don’t really believe My way is better”. He hit the nail square on the head.
[NGR3] In John 9, Jesus uses a blindman as an illustration for the kind of life He has been referring to throughout John 8; to have new life by way of a lifeline to the Father through obedience to the Son. Jesus, very unexpectedly, makes some mud and rubs it in the blindman’s eyes, then tells him to wash his face in a particular location. His point was not just to heal him and this was the most reasonable way to do it, He was illustrating a process.
Fixing sin is not a passive process—God does not just snap His fingers and we’re better. As Jesus illustrates, it’s something God first initiates, then is something we must go and actually do, whether it makes sense or not. Would the blind man have been healed if he did not go and wash his face? I think, sadly, this is where a lot of us live our lives as Christians; it certainly was where I was living. I may have let Jesus put mud on my face, but that just made me blind and muddy—not a real improvement. I may have participated in ‘Christian activities’, but it was never real obedience. I was not doing anything for Jesus, to see God’s Kingdom come to earth, I was acting to grow my own kingdom, my own sphere of influence as a “good Christian”, who would then deserve to be liked and appreciated. I did not think doing God’s will for God’s sake would actually result in my benefit this side of heaven.
The paradigm shift only happened when I stopped clinging so tightly to my own wants, and starting making my end to really serve God. I did this first by praying that I would want to obey, which I have found to always be the best place to start. After this, I found to my surprise I genuinely had a change in my desires, and on top of that, I had an untapped well of life and energy which burned up my depression like tissue paper. For weeks after that spring break, I couldn’t keep my joy contained. I called my friends and family, telling them about how real, good, and life-giving God really is. This was the blindman’s reaction after being healed, he couldn’t keep it in. The reality of his experience and the simplicity of his words evaporated the pharisee’s accusations of Jesus, with their questioning and reasoning, as the formerly blind man says, “one thing I know, that though I was blind, now I see”.
Ask yourself, are you currently seeing, or are you blind? If you are not aware of the living and active Kingdom of God in your life, then there’s some blindness that needs to be dealt with, and it’s better to admit this than to carry on being blind while claiming to see, just look at how Jesus speaks to the pharisees at the end of John 9. The Kingdom of God in your life is the consistent and steady good that comes from obedience to Christ for the purpose of accomplishing God’s will. If this is not an active reality in your life, I invite you to pray for a desire to do God’s will for His sake, trusting that God’s will being done is ultimately what gives us new life.
